British politics took a turn into uncharted territory yesterday as Theresa May announced a deal had been reached between the Conservatives and The Gremloids frivolous party.
After returning from Buckingham Palace in record speed time, the Queen is reported to have given her blessing to the new relationship immediately by stating “You may as well, no one else is arsed”.
Theresa May made the announcement outside Downing Street yesterday evening stating that Brexit was the first topic on their agenda
“Brexit is our first priority and I’m optimistic. I’m a difficult woman, he’s an unrelenting space lord. But first we must move forward with plans to knock down Birmingham in order to build Britain’s first fully functioning spaceport.”
The controversial plans will see Brummies displaced northwards rather than southwards however residents can return back if they wish to work at the spaceport.
When questioned if the cost of displacing of around 1,111,307 people will be worth it, May said
“Look, in difficult times, everyone has to take their share of the pain and that includes Birmingham. In return for the spaceport, the Lord will kindly borrow me his bucket head for negotiations with Europe. It has the benefit of hiding my terrible poker face and also death lasers. In a case of a ‘who blinks first’ between me and European leaders, it certainly is not going to me.”
Protests have already begun in the North of England with people taking to social media with the hashtag #nobrummies along with make-shift walls being built in cities as far south as Wolverhampton, Leicester and Stafford.