Theresa May has reached an agreement with Northern Ireland’s Democratic Unionist Party that will enable her to form a government.
Strictly on a “confidence and supply” arrangement, it is believed in exchange for its support the DUP would like to enact its policy of gayness to be treated as a hobby.
In a statement from DUP Member Cliff Dickinson, set to be Secretary of State for Homosexual affairs, said
“People have a got a bad impression of us, like as if we’re still living in medieval times. I’d like to change that impression and put forward a more post-modern view on homosexuality. This all “it’s a sin” business just frightens people. If we treat it as a hobby, you know like knitting or bowling, people will see they have a choice and they can just choose to pack it in”
When asked about if this new definition would be recognised in the eyes of the law, Mr Dickinson said
“Aye, well if you’re caught doing it you’re fucked!”
The LGBT Community has responded by laughing its arse off and dismissing it as tripe. In an interview with Sean Rowe, gayest man in the world, he said
“I’m not gonna have some bog eyed menace telling me my sexuality doesn’t exist. Excuse me, I’ve got a life to be getting on with.”
EDIT: As this article went to press photographs emerged on social media of Mr Dickinson emerging from Northern Ireland gay bar ‘The Kremlin’ in the early hours of the morning in what can only be described as a cape and suspenders.
We contacted Mr Dickinson for further comment but he declined.