Financial Journalist Bob Ronson reveals some minimum wage workers are getting bummed mentally as well as per annum

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Financial Journalist Bob Ronson underwent an undercover investigation last week to find out whether working conditions at the notoriously shit Sport Is Us have improved since actually paying their staff the national minimum wage.

Bob reports that on the first day of the investigation Chief Executive Derek Savage made a visit to the store which he was told is a regular occurrence. Upon entering the store Derek spotted an employee with the sole of his trainer beginning to come away. He immediately walked over and staff watched as he took a wad of cash from his pocket. He took off the elastic band and told him to put it around his trainer to hold it together.

Before his first shift was about to end, Bob took the chance to ask the employee, (who cannot be named legal/ spying reasons) whether conditions had improved since the rise. The overall feeling was that he did feel it was better receiving more money per hour however it was still a bit shit.

Bob then asked what he thought about Labour’s proposition of raising the minimum wage to £10 an hour which would further increase his pay. He replied

£10 an hour? You mean what Corbyn’s saying? He’s living in a fantasy land. Businesses will go bankrupt over night. You’ve gotta work harder to get more money and that’s that. I’m lucky to even have this job what with all the immigrants around!”

When asked his thoughts on Sports Is Us not paying corporation tax since ever so they bloody well can pay £10 an hour, the employee answered

Well that’s just the way it is isn’t it? I’ve gotta get back to work now haven’t I?”

Bob Ronson ended the investigation after just three days after becoming increasingly depressed. The only conclusion he could come to after this short time was this

I’ve learned the hell is other people. It’s also being trapped in an enclosure with “Sport is Us” written 5,000 times every square metre. Overall the conditions are still shit but staff did feel better on a higher wage.The most depressing find however was that some minimum wage staff don’t seem to want more money.They’re being bummed mentally as well as per annum.”

He quickly added

“Not all of them though. Some do want more money and said that on their last day they want to cause chaos by booting footballs at the tills in their hundreds.  I’m all for that and that would be the only day I would ever return to that aesthetically unpleasing nightmare.”

A spokesperson for Sport is Us failed to comment on the investigation however they did tell us fuck off.

 

 

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