Easier to summon nine foot demon from the fourth dimension than it is to get an appointment with a dentist, reveals the General Dental Council

The General Dental Council has discovered in the time it takes patients to get a dental appointment, they can verse themselves in the Dark Arts and successfully summon unholy creatures from another dimension.

Barbara Keenan, a Librarian from Wolverhampton, describes how after paying nearly £200 for a root canal, her tooth fell out anyway after three weeks and became infected.

I was in terrible pain and when I rang my dentist surgery they told me it’d be another seven weeks until the next appointment. I told them I want my money back but they just laughed and told me about an offer they had on dental floss.”

Instead of visiting a conventional Dental Hospital, Barbara explains what drove her to such extreme measures

I was angry so I done what any Librarian would; I turned to books. I went to the darkest section at the back of Wolverhampton Central library and took out some books on the occult. I couldn’t really pronounce the names of some of the demons so I went for one which sounded a bit like ‘Chandler’. After a bit of vomiting and sacrificing he was there in ten minutes with antibiotics. He saved the tooth. Sorted. Would recommend to a friend.”

Like many others, Barbara is unsure of what she traded in return for the quick treatment . Mainly because she couldn’t understand the other worldly dialect and kept blacking out.

The Magic Mirror managed to summon to the same demon for an interview to find out. Our Demonologist, Bob Whitehole, translated an apparent message Chiandhi had for our dentists

Tell your Earthly dentists we can only deign to be as evil as they in their Rolls Royce machines and half teeth cleanings per session. They create in the gap in the market, dark forces fill it.”

We asked Mr Chiandhi what Barbara has exchanged for the treatment. He told us

Barbara now wipes my arse for eternity in the afterlife, but that’s still preferable to waiting for an emergency appointment in a dental hospital in excruciating pain.”

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