A female law student has been volleyed through a window by a man who prefers to spend his money on horse tranquilizers rather than haircuts.
Anna Domoreaboutnothing, 20, had to be rescued from train tracks by Merseyrail workers after pouring water mixed with bleach on a teenager’s crotch for “manspreading” i.e. spreading his legs onto the seat next to him – despite the stench of weed being an already potent deterrent.
The seventeen-year-old, who has now been reprimanded by police, was more concerned however with what he had in his pockets than adding to his already stained tracksuit.
Merseyrail Byelaw Enforcement nark Billy Fenwick restrained the teenager until the real police came and said that the teen kept shouting about how she’d now put him in danger:
“He just kept shouting ‘she’s ruined me stash, Devo’s gonna kill me’. Probably means he’s a drugs runner for a local gangster and now she’s exposed him. Tell you what, if that lady wants a job working for Merseyrail she can have one. That was way more effective than the sniffer dogs at Central Station.”
Anna Domoreaboutnothing was taken to Fazakerley Hospital and luckily escaped being fried on the train lines having sustained only cuts and bruises. Most people would be in shock from the incident however Anna’s obnoxiousness and self-righteousness means her ego’s less fragile than the glass she was slammed through.
“Manspreading is a disgusting act that is being fought with around the world and it is hushed up. I want people to know that you can do whatever you want, no matter how attention seeking, if it’s under the guise of justice. It’s good I’m here to bring awareness to Merseyrail commuters and also to my YouTube channel. If you happened to have filmed this on your phone then please @ me on Twitter as I know that this shit will go viral!”
Since this story went to press the aforementioned Devo has put out a hit on Anna and she’s currently in police protection.